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You don't meet many musicians who would sooner play to a handful of people than to a thousand, but my friend Mark is one. He's been my friend since the day I spoke at a church where he pressed a business card into my hand and said those three magic words, "Let's golf sometime." And so, we did. Together with our sons, we hacked and duffed and mulliganed our way around a golf course; it was the thing of which friendships are made. Recently, Mark and his wife, Cori, took my wife...
I've been reading a book called The Book of Lists. It includes things like "10 Celebrities who have seen UFOs." These include Muhammed Ali and William Shatner of "Star Trek" fame. Another list is "11 Cats Who Traveled Long Distances to Come Home." At the top of the list is a two-year-old part-Persian named Sugar who was left behind with a neighbor when her owners moved 1,500 miles from Anderson, Cali. to Gage, Okla. Two weeks later, Sugar disappeared. Fourteen month after...
Did you ever hit your head on a car door? I hope not. But if you have, you know it hurts. So, imagine my surprise when I saw a woodpecker clinging to the side of a metal lamppost, slamming his beak into that metal tree. OUCH! I thought, This is not the brightest bird in the flock. He's one feather short of a wing. How could he possibly pound his head into metal at lightning speed without one colossal headache? Without turning his brains to pudding? We humans can handle 5 Gs...
It's that time of year when I get to cook Mother's Day dinner and try out the smoke detector. I can't wait. I believe it was Eve in the Garden of Eden who first said, "Because I said so, that's why." Ever since, moms have been saying wise and sometimes hilarious things. One mother said, "Be nice to your brother; you may need one of his kidneys someday." Or consider Brett's mom, who said: "You're not listening. You need to start listening to me. I might say something important...
I don't know about you, but I've never really liked pain. In ninth grade I weighed a whopping eighty-one pounds if I was carrying a suitcase so I decided to beef up by gorging myself on triple cheeseburgers and lifting weights. One Saturday, as I lay on my back thrusting a barbell into the air, those thirty pounds got away from me. I can still recall the event in vivid technicolor-in slow motion, sometimes in the middle of the night. That barbell came crashing toward my nose....
I was picking out a Valentine's card for my wife. One section read, "Apology Cards." I was curious. Flipping through them, I found mostly excuses. "I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking." "I didn't mean it." "I experienced temporary insanity." "I'm sorry for offending you." In school, one child was told to write an apology to a friend. He wrote, "Dear Brody, Miss P. made me write you this note. All I want to say sorry for . . . is for not being sorry cause I tried to feel sorry but I...
It's a new year. That time when my dentist says, "Out with the old teeth; in with the new." That time when we leave some things behind. In January 1973, I left trumpet lessons behind. I picked that thing up, and neighbor dogs would clap their paws over their ears and howl. Little kids would yell, "Mama! Make it stop!" In January 1974, I left piano lessons. And picked up the guitar. I'm so glad. Pianos are hard to carry. In January 1983, I left behind a moustache. And some...
I am an extremely young grandpa, still able to outrun and outjump thirteen grandkids. It helps that they are seven and under. When they're worn out from trying to catch me, they say, "Read to me." Sweeter words were seldom spoken. My second grandchild, Eowyn, snuggles up on my lap and listens, wide-eyed as three little oinkers set out to seek their fortune. She loves pigs. Loves it when the first little porker buys a load of straw. Loves it when the sweet little swine builds...
I asked my 4-year-old grandson for the highlight of his day. He said, "Growing tobacco." Where he heard this, I'll never know. Here are other unfiltered thoughts from children: Jeanie said, "People are composed of girls and boys, also men and women. Boys are an awful bother. They want everything they see except soap." Reminds me of the thief who stole 30 bars of soap. Forgive me, but he made a clean getaway. A five-year-old was peeking into a baby carriage and saw twins. He...
When I'm having a bad day, I'm glad I'm not alone. At the Fitzwilliam Museum in Cambridge England, a loose shoelace, a lack of handrails and a marble wall conspired to give one ill-fated patron an Inspector Clousseau moment while bringing a shattering conclusion to the earthly pilgrimage of three Qing dynasty vases. Mr. Flynn's misadventure began when he ascended the wrong staircase, pivoted, and tripped on an untied shoelace. "I couldn't stop myself," he said. Hurtling...
