Question:
"My life and my community have faced a lot of loss. At times, it feels like the grief is overwhelming. Does God give us any tools in His Word to deal with deep grief?"
Answer:
I'm sorry to hear about the grief you and your community are enduring. That's the exact way to describe it-enduring! Enduring signifies that strength still prevails, that there is much hope and that God's Word still commands your thoughts!
James' epistle says, "My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing" (James 1:2–4, NKJV).
We must always remember:
Strength that prevails: God is ever present in all your circumstances. No circumstance warrants His greater presence over another. He is always there! He's always ready to uphold you.
"God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore, we will not fear, even though the earth be removed, and though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea; though its waters roar and be troubled, though the mountains shake with its swelling" (Psalm 46:1–3, NKJV).
Much hope exists: The Amplified Bible says "patient endurance" instead of perseverance. Patient endurance is a description of a child of God who sees the hand of God in any and every circumstance. The children of God know that God is for them. As a result, they "know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose" (Romans 8:28, NKJV).
"And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope. Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us" (Romans 5:3–5, NKJV). God lets His children endure trials so that they may grow from being weak to being very strong.
Remember what Paul wrote: "But God has chosen the foolish things of the world to put to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of the world to put to shame the things which are mighty; and the base things of the world and the things which are despised God has chosen, and the things which are not, to bring to nothing the things that are, that no flesh should glory in His presence" (1 Corinthians 1:27–29, NKJV).
Romans 5:3–5 very specifically explains God's plan for letting tribulations affect our lives:
i) It is by God's authority and will that tribulations enter our lives;
ii) It is God's plan to build up our perseverance (patient endurance);
iii) It is God's plan to build up our character (spiritual maturity);
iv) It is God's plan to increase our hope (a hope that never disappoints us).
God chose the weak and foolish to demonstrate His mighty power through us! He wants to turn our lives from immediate collapsing to continuous standing. In every circumstance, He charges us to be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might.
Sometimes this plan of God is difficult to comprehend, especially in the midst of pain. However, because of previous tribulations, we realize that we've developed trust in God, and we are inclined to have a peace that becomes an immediate response. Instead of expressing concern or worry, we become a beacon of hope to those who need strength and endurance.
Proverbs 22:6 says, "Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it." Training requires repeated instruction and repeated opportunities to receive that instruction.
In the same way, at the moment that you receive Jesus as your Lord and Savior, God understands that you'll need repeated instruction and repeated opportunities to receive growth to deal with tribulations. It's not because He wants to tear you down like a taskmaster; it's because He wants you to become a source of hope to those who'll become children of God. His job is to build you up!
"I am the true vine, and My Father is the vinedresser. Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit He takes away; and every branch that bears fruit He prunes, that it may bear more fruit" (John 15:1–2, NKJV). In your tribulations, God, the Father, is building you up!
Finally, I've noticed in my own life that I had to learn to be proactive with God's Word. This is actually a biblical responsibility: "Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor stands in the path of sinners, nor sits in the seat of the scornful; but his delight is in the law of the Lord, and in His law he meditates day and night" (Psalms 1:1–2, NKJV).
At first, I wondered, "Day and night?" But as I matured in God's Word, I discovered that it was actually an easy part of my life. I've learned various verses for various circumstances-all kinds of circumstances! My personal upholding verse is Isaiah 26:3 (NKJV), "You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You."
This verse immediately becomes active in my thoughts whenever a tribulation invades my life. Even if the tribulation is not directed to me but may be to another person I know, Isaiah 26:3 sustains me.
Does God give us any other tools? Yes, He does!
• Proverbs 3: 5–6 (NKJV): "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths."
• Lamentations 3:25 (NKJV): "The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, to the soul who seeks Him."
And many more.
God bless His Word!
Ernie McDougall, Oji-Cree, has worked as an education administrator and high school principal. He and his wife, Mary, live on Kistiganwacheeng First Nation in Garden Hill, Manitoba. He is a preaching elder at Garden Hill Evangelical Fellowship and has served on the NEFC Board.
Answer:
Grief and trauma are so rampant in many of our communities. As a mental health Christian counselor of many years, it grieves me to see that all the unresolved emotional pain we've suffered has robbed us of the quality of life we could be living. Sadly, many people have succumbed to addictions to cover their pain.
I want to share briefly on this platform the impacts of trauma and the possible healing/recovery we could experience with the right kind of help.
One conference I went to presented to us that there are two types of trauma: Big T trauma and Little T trauma.
Big T traumas include:
• Abuse-physical, sexual, emotional and psychological.
• Tragedy: death of a loved one, forced move from home, terminal illness or being a witness to these.
• Trauma as a community: residential schools, day schools, suicides and displacements.
An example of this might be when I was triggered recently while sitting with an elder. I asked if she had gone to school, and she said yes, she'd spent ten years in residential schools.
When she mentioned the same school my late mother had attended, this triggered me. I recalled some of my late mother's stories of when she had been away to a residential school for five years as a child, without seeing her family the whole time she was away.
We can only imagine the impacts she experienced and how it has become a generational healing journey for our family. Hearing stories of survival while in residential schools has become a source of healing for me.
Little T traumas include:
• Moving away from home to a new location, new school, etc.,
• End of friendship or relationship.
• Bad experiences such as dentist, doctor, arguments.
• Witness to other people's pain-physical or emotional.
For instance, I looked after a parent who suffered from cancer. I felt so helpless the many times I heard him express his pain. Today I get triggered whenever I hear stories or witness others who suffer from similar illnesses.
As a mental health worker, I have opportunities to provide support for elders suffering from various illnesses. It has become a source of healing for me to face the painful memories of what I went through. We grieve by facing the pain.
In trauma, our body acts as a camera; it captures the sight, sounds, smells, temperature and lighting and stores them as lists of danger triggers. Triggers are things that remind a person of a traumatic experience, feelings of fear, dread, uneasiness, anger and defenses.
In my work, I recently came across a very sad situation. A mother and two small children witnessed someone's suicide attempt. They were severely traumatized. They came to us for help because of the constant fear, dread and flashbacks they were experiencing. Specialized care will be required to work with the children.
Tragic events do not spare anyone. If you've been exposed to this kind of trauma, please make sure you talk to someone; the first three months are crucial, as PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) can set in afterwards.
Briefly, how do we recover from grief and trauma? It is important to understand the impacts and how we heal. Grief and trauma cause a body to shut down, disassociate or develop tremors, various illnesses, suppressed immune system, aches heart complications. Trauma can cause anxiety, depression, suicidal thoughts or ideation, intrusive thoughts, flashbacks, triggers and dissociative disorders.
How do we experience recovery: You're allowed to set boundaries. If situations make you feel unsafe, it is okay to say no to being in those situations. "No" is a complete sentence.
If you feel overwhelmed, take a break. Being in fresh air does wonders. Cold or warm water on your face and hands can bring refreshment.
It's very important to reach out for help. A recent testimony of a grandmother who lost two teenage grandchildren at the same time touched my heart. She shared how God has brought her out of a deep depression. Psalm 147:3, "God heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds," became a great source of comfort and strength for her life.
"That Word alone has given me strength to go on," she said.
God is faithful and will provide the exact Word that will carry us through our pain. It is very important to reach out to God in prayer and in His Word-and also to reach out to others.
How do we help people with trauma?
• Believe them-fear of not being heard hinders a person from seeking help
• Validate their emotions-feelings are not bad; they are there to inform you. They are a part of the experience and cannot be separated from what happened or minimized.
• Create physical or emotional safety; create a place of comfort
• Know your limitations-some people's experiences are too much for us to handle alone. Know what support systems are in place; look for counselors, therapists, pastors, churches, elders and trusted people in the community.
I have spent years learning how to manage my own pain and losses. It takes time, commitment and effort. I kept a lot of my emotional pain to myself and maybe shared some in prayer with God. I did not know how to open my heart with others at a deeper level, especially where I needed healing the most.
One day the Lord spoke to my heart in prayer, and I heard these words, "Liz, I have heard your stories. Now go and share them with others."
I did not realize back then that God also heals in relationships. Our brokenness and recovery stories can become life messages to others.
We can all experience Christ's healing and freedom if we take time to learn how to recover. So many resources are available today. Remember 2 Corinthians 1:4, which tells us that God comforts us in all of our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.
Liz Beardy, Oji-Cree from Bearskin Lake First Nation, was a social worker for 13 years before training to become a counselor. She lives in Sioux Lookout, Ontario, working in counseling and mental health ministry under a tribal council.
